trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
