was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
