and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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