hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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