So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
