There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
