my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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