what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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