I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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