i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
