I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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