Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
