my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
