Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
