I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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