Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
