my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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