This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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