Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
