Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
