I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
