Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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