also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
