remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
