I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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