The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
