i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
