I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
