Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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