i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
