Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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