The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
