she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
