The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
