oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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