It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
