Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
