State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
40s are totally the cure
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
