he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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