Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
