My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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