I think my vagina is haunted
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
