Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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