Betty ford says i'm here all night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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