dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
