Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
