the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
