Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize