i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Still dying that you shit outside
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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