I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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