am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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