He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
