college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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