I wish my penis had an off switch
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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