i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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