Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
