Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
even my farts smell like vagina
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
