we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
