Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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