Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize