You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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