"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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