Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
