I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
