K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
