You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
