seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
