she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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