Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone shattered a urinal.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
