But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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