You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
