The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
