You made me cry and you don't even care
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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