FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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