people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
